LIFE

I have soo been neglecting my blog spot! Ughh MY bad!

So what's been going on in the life of ME!

Right now I’m at the point in my life where it should be the best!..BUT it’s not; I walk around smiling like nothing is wrong when inside of me I’m just screaming out WHY? I’m 27 years old and I have no for real career, no husband, and no children. I just feel so helpless and feel like I’m going to have to just settle for the next thing that comes along!

I don’t understand why things keep going wrong in my life! I decided to give 2009 to God and totally trust in him to do all things for me. I gave up relationships with some friends, sex, and I gave up social drinking and as well as partying! I’m not going to say I don’t miss is b/c that would be a lie! I just miss the fact that I could go out and have a good time every now and then. But I told God I would totally be committed to him this year. And in return I figured he would bless me and send me a husband! Here it is May and I have had the worst year ever so far! I don’t understand it! I met a guy in Jan, and we truly felt like it was a God thing…Well that ended in a train wreck! He used me emotionally from Jan-till the end of April! I don’t understand!!! That’s all I can say, how he said he loved me and wanted to be with me forever and now he’s saying I’m just too good for him and has moved on to another girl….total shock! Then in Feb was my car wreck that set me majorly back finicaly, emotionally, and physically! ..why …why did that wreck have to happen to me? I don’t understand!

I go to church and hear the word and usually I can relate to a lot of the message………..but I’m still empty inside! I read my bible almost every night and I’ve been really searching and looking into the word ……but it’s like God is silence in my life right now!

I try to keep myself busy so I won’t have to worry about the guy who ripped my heart out…I stay busy with Athletics, and now I’m a youth leader, and thinking about Mime! But when I go home at night it’s all still there. The same feelings and worry as if I’m ever going to have a family all comes back again!
I have great friends @church but.. I feel so out of place when I’m with the married couples, and when I’m with the youth I feel so old! I hate it! I don’t know what else to do! I don’t want to be alone forever! My life seriously SUCKS!


I just wish God would pour out on me like I want him to but…..it’s not happening! Why????????

Good Friday we had communion at our new location..when we first came in we were handed our communion cup/bread all wrapped up together....well Pastor Boggs told us all to sit down while wings of worship danced to their song.
As we were sitting down..Kegan looked at me and said "oh my I just sat on my blood" (he sat on his communion ha) it was sooo funny we couldn't even pay attention!

My first fish!

I caught my first fish at the age of 26!!
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Seriously, i freaked out when i started to reel it in i didnt' know what to do so i gave my pole to becca b/c i didn't want my fish to flip n flop all over me. Had to have some guy unhook it b/c didn't know how to do it..lol

rollar coaster of love

my heart is racing my fingers are jumping..i really don't know how to explain it. so i won't, until i see him tomorrow night. everything can change once i see him...and all the emotions that I'm feeling could get better or worse! God only knows! I'm just trusting in God b/c he has brought him to me and he will finish just what he started! I am continually reminded, Psalm 46:10 ~Be still and know I am God~

Just gonna be real...

Friday night I went and saw Rick Pino....he rocked my socks off!!! That was the first time I have ever heard him...and I absolutely loved his style of music.. He shared a story about how God spanked him and really brought him to reality. It was awesome!
Twila was there and she prayed for me and the nightmares that I have been having. I haven't been able to go to sleep for more than 4 hours a night...it's been horrible..and that night God delivered me from that! I have been able to sleep at night now!

Sooo Saturday night I went and saw Rick Pino again...to be honest I wasn't feeling that great b/c I had been out all day and my leg was killing me and my hand was throbbing.
Anyways I was sitting in church and the host got up there and started meditating in the spirit..after about 20 minutes I started to get really aggravated..my leg was killing me...my ADD was kicking in... I was thinking...ok where's Rick? God spoke to me and said .."Krystel, if anyone was ever wanting to hear from me.. this would be the service"... We ended up going into really deep intercessory prayer....after about 45 minutes Rick started ministering .....it was totally awesome....he followed after God in deep worship! We sat in silence for about 2 hours and listened to the voice of God. It was the most intense thing I have ever felt!

I began to talk to God about my situation and the circumstances, storm, and trials that I have been going through. I know that I have read and posted blogs about how God is gonna take care of me..etc but I'm human I'm going through a lot right now..well that's when God spoke to me and said "You Doubt Me!" WOW I wasn't expecting that! I began to freak out! I do doubt the situations that I'm in! I began to ask for forgiveness and God began to restore me!!


Well I guess God isn't done spanking me either....my storm is still brewing! Tonight I had more thrown on me...I really don't understand it..but I know that God does!
I seriously had a break down for the first time tonight....I laid on my bed and asked God why didn't he just take me that day?...! I'm JUST GONNA BE REAL!!! I cried and cried...and cried! I don't know why I'm going through all this!!!! My mom came in during my break down....and acted like it was no big deal...kinda funny now that I think about it! She said, "umm what are u doing?".. Then my step dad came in and gave me a box of Kleenex's and said, "Krystel it's because your trying to live right"!

After I had my melt down God gave me this scripture;
Hosea 6:1-3
"Come let us return to the Lord! He has torn us in pieces, now he will heal us, He has injured us, now he will bandage our wounds. In just a short time, he will restore us so we can live in his presence. Oh that we might know the Lord! Let us press on to know him! Then he will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring."

Changes-
What do you hope to gain from your religion? Do you "repent" easily, without seriously considering what you need to change? Don't treat your relationship with God carelessly.


And then it hit me~!!! I told God that 2009 was gonna be his year! I gave up a lot of things as well as past relationships. I started my new year out right with some new positive friends.
I haven't gave into temptation when I was faced with it. I have tried soo hard to live for him and the devil is MAD. The enemy is soo used to me flirting with the things of this world and me treating my relationship with God so carelessly...but I have staid strong this year and now the enemy is attacking me. God is testing me to see if I will stand! To see how strong I am! And guess what it's Spring time baby!!! I'm ready for my blessing! I'm getting closer to God than ever before and it's real..for the first time ever I'm beginning to really Know God ..to trust him and to need him more than ever in my life! For once i'm not ashamed to say Living For God is Fun! I don't know where I would be if I didn't have him to call on every single day.

Holla back yo!

Is getting beatdown from this hurricance! Waiting for the storm to pass...and ready to receive my overflow~~~~

Character Day at the boys School

My brother is soo creative! Today was character day at the boys school.. My brother and I went and ate lunch with them. Alec was dressed up as Pinocchio and Zak was Jimney Cricket!

Urgent Prayer!~

Just a few weeks ago my friend Amy had her healthy baby boy(Brayden). After she was in recovery, she started hemorrhaging and they had to do emergency surgery on her. This lead her into a cardiac arrest, and she had a heart attack at the age of 26. She was in a coma for a few days. We prayed for her and she started to get better. She came out of the coma and started talking. God did a miracle in her life! She was able to see the baby ..but only for 30minutes at a time. Only 30% of her heart was working at this time. She continued to progress and was able to go home. Amy sent me a message after my wreck letting me know she was praying for me. I was so glad that she was doing better. She finally got to see her baby more and everything was getting back to normal. Until today she was woke up and found her baby not breathing. Her baby passed away from SIDS.. I don't understand why she's going through all of this but I pray that God will comfort her! Please keep her in your prayers!

and...my 14 year old niece thinks she has it hard!

My 14 year old niece is datin a 17 yr old...........i'm like the only one sooo mad about it, ive said my opinions and no one seems to care!! I mean her mom had her at 16, i just want whats best for her. So today she puts this (below) on her myspace. I'm just amazed and humored at the same time!



frustrations.
1. trying to get my mom to trust me with taylor, who i completely trust with my life. But she don't.
2. trying to impress taylor
3. trying to be as perfect as i can be so i wont be heart broken.
4. keeping my 4.0 average, while dancing, and making my parents proud.
5. i hate upsetting taylor, i mean i know its not my fault that my mom makes the decisions for me, and is protective of me but i can't help but to feel at fault.
6. making sure he's happpppy which obviously has not been working here lately.
7. caring about somebody so much and nobody else can understand it and then having people interefere with what makes me the most happy. Everybody knows what I'm talking about.
8.trying to get people to understand or even believe that I really do love him, and I can't see my life without him anymore. I was a little skeptical in the beginning but I am absolutely certain now I want to be with him until my last breathh. I mean the 2 reasons i wake up in the morning are my alarm clock and then knowing that I will get to talk to him that morning. Gosh, I love him more than anything in this world anymore. I just wish people could understand that.
8. But I'm done getting half of my frustrations out, I'll prpbably add more by 10 o' clock. Next morningg.

Sucks to be me right about now!

Yesterday I went to the doctor and he said that I stay off work another two weeks. This is sooo hard for me! I hate wearing that big air cast and I hate having one hand that works. I feel so dependent on others and I hate it!!!!!
Im usually the one helping others out. I know i'm supposed to be resting according to what God has said to me..but I've had enough. Everyone asks how i'm doing ......i just smile and say better! But truthfully it sucks, my life isn't better it's worse. I am in pain but I rather not tell anyone b/c I don't want to have to go through all the questions. I would rather smile through my pain an hope that this will all go away.
I wanted to go to Winter Jam this weekend, Winterfest next weekend, and NYC in April. I feel like all my plans have changed depending on my hand/foot. This is horrible........I don't wanna be in the storm anymore! I can't wait for the sun to shine again, this was supposed to be the best year ever for me......but somehow it's getting worse!
I'm not saying all this for everyone to feel sorry for me....im just stressed out and don't understand why i'm going through all this!